Oh Delight.

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Thu, 16 May 2013 22:55:06 -0400

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Thu, 16 May 2013 13:37:51 -0400

The Art of Losing Poorly

Wed, 15 May 2013 13:38:00 -0400

Losing all of your friends at once is hard to comprehend. It’s as though a significant portion of your life has disappeared into a black hole. Now and then I’m reminded how I have no past, well, at least that’s how it seems…It was all erased when you forgot about me.

I didn’t go out of my way to hurt you, I didn’t call anyone a name or steal someone’s boyfriend, I didn’t push you away, I didn’t even move interstate. I just stopped seeing you regularly. I lived in the same house you visited but didn’t see me. I still attended the same parties. You still didn’t remember me.

You forgot those nights of long conversations, those adventures and expeditions and all the encouragement I painfully handed out because that’s hard for me to do. You forgot how I was there at the conception of a dream and pushed you to stop dreaming and live it. You forgot all of the time we spent together chasing light that I froze in moments now hanging on my wall. Those lazy summer days, the songs and the prayers. They never existed…7 years…gone.

A memory is kept alive in the mind, that simple joy and warmth of surrounding love is alive only in the mind. It’s different for me now, it starts the same - I remember a beautiful moment I swore to myself I would keep forever, wings flutter inside stomach then a sudden drop as I realise that its changed and I don’t know why, it changed so suddenly and dramatically but I don’t know why. Confusion, anger and hurt bubble up until I’m overwhelmed with grief all I can do is shut that memory away in with the others…In a corner of my mind I’ll reopen when it doesn’t hurt anymore. I hope that day comes soon because I’m starting to see my life like endless bouts of fresh starts.

As I get older fresh starts to get older. It gets tiring. It gets harder to trust. It’s gets harder to believe. It gets harder not to give up.

I’ve lost the ability to believe in myself because you believed in me once and now I don’t exist. I don’t know if I ever did exist. Not anymore, not after this. To be told how important you are to someone and next minute to be left to the way-side like a wrapper for your gum, sends “the you gave me something and the novelty has worn off so I’ll throw that something and you away together” kind of vibe. Used and discarded.

I have new friends now. But I’m constantly worried about how long it will last, if it is true friendship or if its just a friendship of convenience. That’s a terrible thing to drag around.

I don’t want to grow old and find I came out the other end with no one who was there all along. I don’t want to get to my wedding day and have no one to invite or no one to thank. I don’t want to turn 50 and realise I have no one to celebrate with.

I miss you and the days we spent together. But the way you forgot about me so quickly broke my heart. Someone once said ‘A heart will break as much as it has lost’ consider my heart completely and utterly disintegrated. Yeah it gets easier and the distance between my low days get longer but my lows are lower because I remember what we had and that you haven’t yet come to retrieve it.

One by one I’ll let go, heavy hearted and bewildered I’ll let you go, I’ll never understand how or why and I guess I’ll never know if I ever meant anything at all… But I’m embracing my fresh start determined to shake my jadedness and to find my heart so I can warm it again.

It’s just harder without you I guess.

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Mon, 13 May 2013 00:23:27 -0400

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Tue, 07 May 2013 11:39:37 -0400

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Thu, 02 May 2013 12:14:35 -0400

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Thu, 02 May 2013 11:50:30 -0400

field-of-consciousness: suchaprettyworld: La Mort d’Albine -...

Thu, 02 May 2013 11:50:00 -0400

field-of-consciousness:

suchaprettyworld:

La Mort d’Albine - Louise Ebel photographed by Sachie Nagasawa.

enter my lost realm

serapart: Fly Me by ~AliceLidel

Thu, 02 May 2013 11:49:00 -0400

serapart:

Fly Me by ~AliceLidel

serapart: vintage-green-ruffle-skirt f by night.owl on Flickr.

Thu, 02 May 2013 11:47:47 -0400

serapart:

vintage-green-ruffle-skirt f by night.owl on Flickr.

whatisthiss: The dress was a nice shape :)

Thu, 02 May 2013 11:38:38 -0400

whatisthiss:

The dress was a nice shape :)

escapekit: My Type of Wood Looking for porn, found wood…...

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 14:54:55 -0400

escapekit:

My Type of Wood

Looking for porn, found wood… Satisfied

I went to church with my family tonight and the pastor said something that I think every Christian should hear

Sun, 21 Apr 2013 10:08:57 -0400

Pastor: Now, according to a few passages in the bible, homosexuality is a sin.
Couple of older males in the audience: Amen!
Pastor: Now, wait, I'm not finished.
Pastor: You know what else the bible defines as a sin? Divorce.
-uncomfortable silence-
Pastor: There are countless passages that talk about how divorce is wrong, and that there are consequences to getting a divorce, such as the wife should be stoned.
Pastor: Yet, I witnessed a divorce just this morning. And I gotta tell you, it was heartbreaking, but I definitely didn't attempt to throw rocks at the wife, even though she was the one who filed for divorce.
Pastor: We choose to overlook the consequences of divorce because time has proven that they're inhumane and cruel.
Pastor: The bible doesn't say anything about the consequences of a homosexual lifestyle. Yet, we seem to be spearheading a campaign to ruin the lives of people we don't even know.
-the pastor shifts a few notes around-
Pastor: The bible states to love thy neighbor. That's it. There are no other rules or restrictions to that passage.
Pastor: So, we as a church family have to support equality with a smile on our face. THAT is the true Christian way.

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Sat, 30 Mar 2013 11:17:14 -0400

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Sat, 30 Mar 2013 11:16:58 -0400

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Sat, 30 Mar 2013 11:16:27 -0400

harrybr0ther: by lorena*arance on flickr

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 11:15:18 -0400

harrybr0ther:

by lorena*arance on flickr

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Sat, 30 Mar 2013 11:15:03 -0400

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Sat, 30 Mar 2013 11:14:39 -0400

Time for me to get abs Clean eating here I come! (possible Vegan...

Tue, 26 Mar 2013 09:47:33 -0400

Time for me to get abs Clean eating here I come! (possible Vegan diet until HHI)